16
Frustration - what is it and why?
In short, the process of removing rose-colored glasses. Letting go of a fascination that was not the quality of the object of fascination, but something of yours, contrived.
Encountering reality, as it were. Disillusioned with what the object of your fascination is not, you can finally see what it really is. And start to interact with it without fantasies.
As an example, the man opposite is not a guru, but just a good specialist in his field. And that is often much more valuable than a guru. For it is real and close.
17
We can't give up expectations.
Especially those really essential to us and affect our deepest needs. That’s why we are often offended by those closest to us, or those with whom we have a deep relationship.
Expectations suddenly reveal all of our vulnerability, which is all the more difficult to show to someone who has not lived up to them. That's why, when you get a message about a sudden evening sickness, you try only to colorlessly reply, "Well, all right, get well..." - and hang up, feeling a lump in your chest and stomach. Or a hole that isn't filled at all.
⠀
Eastern wisdom suggests giving up expectations. Just take things as they are.
18
WHY DO WE TAKE OFFENSE?
We are offended only when we have unreasonable expectations that weren’t destined to come true, and that are difficult to refuse. For example, someone has agreed to spend a pleasant intimate evening with you, and the day before (or even half an hour after the appointed time) they call and say that they feel sick and won’t come...
A familiar story? It’d seem that the reason is valid, but how much resentment rises!
19
ABOUT RESENTMENT AND CHILDISH ATTITUDES
Recognizing your own grievances or, at least, an ability to identify them, is already the first step to growing up.
⠀
Resentment is a childish pattern of behavior. Typically, when people talk about childish behavior patterns, they mention it with disdain and underlying criticism, wanting to shame the person they are talking about.In my view, childlike behavior patterns are simply signs of what level a person is at now and what their actual needs are. A child's level is no worse than an adult's. It just needs to be understood that it has its own tasks.
20
I don't like him.
Everyone has long known the formulation that if you don't like something in another person, you have to look for it in the shadow part of yourself. Seek it out, accept it, explore it, and then you'll "let go”.
⠀
But you don't know what it is that you don't like in people. If you take everything in and dig it out, it will take a long time. So you don't like it and you don't like it. Maybe something just doesn't suit you. For example, the smell isn't right or the way you dress.
⠀
So the first thing to pay attention to is what you actively dislike. To those situations where, instead of just stepping away from your partner, you stay around and try to actively redo him, blame or shame him. And you can't calm down. You explain to him why he's wrong, and you can't calm down.
